I was reading my entries on xanga (www.xanga.com/babyanjelle) exactly the same time last year and I can't help but be amazed at how fast things changed. After almost a year, a lot has happened that changed me and the Life that I live. And yes, it only took one decision, one "yes" to Life and things started to swirl and whoop and skid and slide around me...
It took a lot of time before I was able to sit down and think...and breathe...and feel what has happened for the past few months. Because all I ever did was to adjust and re-adjust in order to fit into my brand new life.
What I've learned:
1. Everything is a decision but sometimes Life leads us to certain choices that no matter how much we wanted to refuse we just can't. So, we give in...and then, nothing will ever be the same again. Destiny is a choice but sometimes you're destined to choose your destiny.
2. Once we've made our choice we will always be tempted by the thought of those things that we did not choose and missed. And the "what ifs" will start to bug us like hell until the joy of the present moment disappears. But thanks to a wise friend who told me to NEVER LOOK BACK and to know that what I have right now is only a "dream" that I had before...and it's a blessing to see your dreams come true...and I SHOULD be thankful no matter what. We will always lose something when we choose something but we're always choosing according to what we need in a particular moment...
3. "And they live happily ever after..." is not just a 6-word sentence but a whole bunch of different chapters...and sequels that make up a beautiful story. It means living with the frog that pretends to be a prince and loving 'Beauty' even if she's acting like a 'beast' and accepting the fact that the witches and trolls are part of the grand scheme of things to make Life more interesting...and sometimes...irritating.
4. Over-analyzing things will only paralyze us. It will rob us of those precious moments...those moments when the "universe is conspiring"...those times when everything is possible...ah...the "magic moment". The future is always changing, we can never be certain of what will happen tomorrow, we can only assume...and believe...and hope that things will go according to plan...and then, we plunge in.
5. Human relationship is always complicated...it will make us happy...it will make us sad...and angry...and depress...and lonely...and a whole bunch of things. Maybe that's one of the reasons why relationships are sacred...because it makes us "feel" our emotions. It makes us look into our hearts and see our strengths and weaknesses...it makes us feel more HUMAN.
6. It's best NOT to try hard to change other people but to continue to strive to change one's self for the better. We will always have different ways of doing things, of saying things, of living life...but it doesn't necessarily mean that one's way is better than the other...sometimes that's just how things are. So many factors affect who we are right now and to continue to focus on the 'bad' things is a waste of time and energy. In the end what will only matter is whether we are happy with who we are and what we do.
7. Strive to be happy in order NOT to make other people sad. Happiness is a choice. If we depend our happiness on other people we will always be disappointed and we will make those people that we depend on feeling exhausted and sad. Nobody can ever make us happy if we don't choose to be happy. Choose happy thoughts, choose positive things...avoid negative people that suck up the good energy, let them drown in their misery, life is too good to be treated negatively.
8. Some prayers remained unanswered because God is answering another person's prayer.
9. Some relationships end because their destined to end. Sometimes no matter how hard we try to save a relationship we just can't. Sometimes no matter how good a person we are or our partner our relationship will still come to bitter end. There's no sense blaming and hating...because sometimes when things are not meant to be, no matter how hard you try, it will never be.
10. Lastly, let us love the people who love us and forget those who did not. Sometimes we will meet those people whom, by some streak of fate we will love but unfortunately, sometimes they just won't love us in return...or the situation won't allow us to be together...or the timing is bad...then, we should let go and move on...of course on rare occasions, they do come back, and when they did...whirlwind!
********
Dear Baby,
12 years...such a long time. A lot of things have happened in between...we've moved on (although, meron pa yatang di nakaka-move on!
) and lived our own life. But fate has another plan for us and no matter how much I wanted to choose a different path it just keeps on leading me to you.There was a time when I was praying for another life. But I guess, masmalakas ka kay God. We might be praying at the same time and I was feeling sad because it seems that my prayers remained unanswered. The thing that I'm praying for keeps on slipping away...maybe, my prayers were not granted to give way to your prayers...to grant yours, to give you another chance.
I often wake up to the sound of your whispers...telling me how much you love me and how thankful you are for having me around. Sometimes, I pretend to be sleeping...often I joke around. (feelingera!
) But I remember those times when I was younger, I used to whisper to the winds to tell you how much I love you and how I wish that you'll love me too...siguro naligaw yung hangin na binulungan ko, ngayon lang nakarating sa'yo...I'm happy...I'm thankful...coz one time in my life, when I was young and innocent (may stage na ganito!) I dreamed that you will love me in the same way that I love you. There was a time when I gave up on that dream...there was a time when I never even dreamed of such thing anymore but I'm glad that the universe remembered...that you remembered...that my dream came true...kahit medyo matagal! 
It was such a long battle...and now that we're together I know that we still have a lot of things to overcome. But the good news is, we're together now...you, me and God...I know that everything will be easier.
To my God,
Thank You for another chance to love...
Thank you for always hearing my prayers and answering on the right time,
Sometimes, I get to be impatient, I'm sorry.
The art of waiting...I know now.
And to my husband,
You were the first person that I love,
And you will be the last...
Thank you for taking care of me, and loving me in your own sweet way.
I love you.
6/5/2011
